Nutty Putty Cave



This editorial piece on immagration led to a creative solution using the Nutty Putty Cave in response #6 following the

Immigration: A Utah Concern

April 29, 2009 — Guest

Matt Page is a self proclaimed “Utah Mormon”, “Bollywood Liberal”, and “Rabble Rouser” - Although he is not entirely sure what the words “Rabble” or “Rouser” really mean (in fact maybe he shouldn’t be allowed to make self-proclamations after all). He is an artist and writer who goes by the online name Matsby. While he has recently contributed his artistic and comedic talents to BCC, you may know him best from his personal Religious Blog . Welcome Brother Matsby!

There’s been a lot of talk about immigration lately around the Bloggernacle and I am afraid to say it, but I think maybe we are all ignoring the biggest problem in this debate.

When most people think about immigration, they think about how it affects states like California, New Mexico, and Texas (wait, is Texas still a state?). But they don’t often think about the fact that Utah has immigration problems of its own. And of course, you are saying “Yeah, yeah. We know Idaho is a problem,” but I am not even talking about Idahoans. We have plenty of immigration problems right here within the state itself.

Do you even know how many people from Spanish Fork sneak across the border and take American Fork jobs and commit crimes on American Fork soil? I don’t know how many either, but I understand it’s quite a bit more than I should be comfortable with. So I am NOT comfortable with it.

We need to go down there and help protect the American Fork border before it’s too late. Because if we just sit by and let them do whatever they want, then before you know it, the American Fork kids will be forced to speak Spanish Fork in public schools - and if you ever call a business in American Fork you will have to “Press 1 to proceed in American Fork“.

I know I may sound like I am worrying too much, but I think local immigration issues are something we should all be worried about.

38 Responses to “Immigration: A Utah Concern”

  1. Scott B Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 3:08 pm

    I will not stand for Spanish Fork to be taught in my children’s schools!

  2. Steve Evans Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    I declare fatwa on all unamerican forks. 4-tine minimum.

    Spanish Fork

    American Fork

  3. Alex Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 3:31 pm

    Didn’t Spanish Fork once have a Rage Against the Machine concert once? I’d have to side with Spanish Fork in a battle against American Fork

  4. A concerned American Farker Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 3:32 pm

    There are those who may be inclined to scoff at this problem, but for those of us who have to live here it is no laughing matter.

    Those people come here and TAKE OUR JOBS. Why, just the other day at Baskin-Robbins I asked the server for my favorite flavor of ice cream, very very strawberry. She repeated the order and said berry berry strawberry. I had to correct her several times, but I’ve found that if you raise your voice sufficiently with these people, you can make yourself understood.

    But the problem goes far beyond the economic impact. The Spanish Fork people bring with them their insidious and anti-American values. The mascot of their high school is the Red Devil. NEED I SAY MORE?!?!?!?!?!?! Is this the kind of cultural influence we want to allow in American Fork?!?!?!?!?! NO, IT IS NOT!!!!

  5. John C. Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 3:33 pm

    I hear that the Spaniforkians (as they are know) start gangs and live off the American Fork government teat. Away with those ne’er-do-wells, says I!

  6. Steve Evans Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 3:33 pm

    All Spanish Fork residents found within American Fork are to be hooded, placed in unmarked vans and dropped off in Mapleton. Spanish Forkers of interest are to be detained someplace safe for questioning, maybe the Nutty Putty caves.

  7. Scott B Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 3:33 pm

    Illegal Spanish Fork resident = Spork

  8. Steve Evans Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    Those dirty Spanish monkey forkers! May they burn in heck.

  9. John C. Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 3:37 pm

    You’ll note the horrible moral conditions in the area of Spanish Fork! I’ve heard that they openly bathe nakedly publicly regularly.

  10. Steve Evans Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 3:38 pm

    I’ve heard the Arctic Circle down there doesn’t even have fry sauce. No, instead they just eat babies.

  11. amri Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 3:39 pm

    Gangs in Spanish Fork are the worst. My neighbor’s home teacher’s brother almost got shot there once.

  12. SC Taysom Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 3:41 pm

    Ya, but how about all the people from Lakeshore who sneak into Spanish Fork? They are the root of the problem.

  13. Springvillain Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 3:41 pm

    Puh-lease, no. 4. Spanish Farkers are not the Red Devils. That’s Springville, next door. Spanish Farkers are The Dons. Figures.

  14. Ivan Wolfe Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 3:42 pm

    “Bollywood Liberal”

    If you’re a Bollywood Liberal, does that mean you are in favor of kissing in movies?

    I won’t stand for such, sir. I have standards, after all. Why must BCC be tarnished by associating with such debauched types?

  15. Left Field Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 3:42 pm

    Hold on there, pardner. Spanish Fork is the Dons. Springville is the Red Devils.

    Left Field, Red Devil
    SHS Class of ‘77

  16. Steve Evans Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 3:45 pm

    Springville is a Spork ghetto bordertown.

  17. John C. Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 3:48 pm

    The Dons? I shall never question the reality of Spork gang activity again.

  18. kuri Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 3:51 pm

    What kind of food do people eat with a Spanish fork anyway? I mean, obviously people use American forks to eat American food like hamburgers and pizza but Spanish forks? Are those for eating tacos or something?

  19. kuri Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 3:53 pm

    And why do people in Utah name their little towns after utensils anyway?

  20. Steve Evans Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 3:53 pm

    Worse, kuri — they’re used for tapas (shudder).

  21. Matt Page Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 3:58 pm

    14. Yes, I am. That is the only way those movies could get better. Also if the male leads were not all weird looking.

    18. Spanish (Fork) Rice.

  22. kevinf Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 4:05 pm

    I suggest building a high tech fence, just south of the Walmart in Provo.

  23. Scott B Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 4:10 pm

    18–Spacos (Spam tacos)

  24. Left Field Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 4:15 pm

    #18: Back in the day, our Spanish Fork rivals used to be disparagingly called “tacos” or “taco benders.” Of course, I don’t know that they eat a lot of tacos in Spain.

  25. Ardis Parshall Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 4:32 pm

    I’ve heard that not only does the Church have WARDS in Spanish Fork headed by Spanish Fork BISHOPS, but that they even issue temple recommends for Spanish Fork people to go to the Mt. Timpanogos Temple.

  26. Steve Evans Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 4:34 pm

    I heard about this one time that some scouts from Spanish Fork commandeered a cultural hall in American Fork.

  27. Ardis Parshall Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 4:42 pm

    I’d like to know exactly what other things the guvament and President Monson let Spanish Forkers do in American Fork without doing somethin’ about it.

  28. SteveP Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 4:46 pm

    I’m from Pleasant Grove which lies between the two and we have a constant stream of the Spanish Forkers in transit to American Fork coming through our fair city. However, we find that they actually contribute to the economy by stopping at our shops for food, fuel, and other goods. I say heaven bless the Sforkers (as they affectionately known here in PG).

  29. BrianJ Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 4:49 pm

    Ardis, the real name of the temple is “American Fork Temple.” All that “Mount Timpanogos” silliness is just liberal PC propaganda. Ya’ll must be one o’ them.

  30. A concerned American Farker Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 4:49 pm

    Last year a Sporker moved into our neighborhood. The first think he did when he got here was go down to the school and try to enroll all his children in a school that MY TAXES built!!! How do you like that? He hasn’t paid A SINGLE RED CENT of taxes to our school district, yet he wants to take advantage of us by trying to get us to give free education to his kids. AND THEY LET HIM GET AWAY WITH IT!!!! What would the founding fathers think of all these freebies and giveaways?!?!?!?

  31. Matt Page Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 4:59 pm

    I was going to say that this issue really gets my goat. But the truth is, last month someone stole my goat right out of my back yard.

    Prolly a Spork wanted it for some of that Spanish Fork voodoo.

  32. Ardis Parshall Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 5:01 pm

    I resent that remark, BrianJ, as I am a true victim of all of this immigration. After the Sporkers had completely Sporkerized the local culture, I was forced to move to a better neighborhood north of Point of the Mountain.

  33. Steve Evans Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 5:25 pm

    Matt, you refer of course to the practice of Forkeria.

  34. Tim Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 5:40 pm

    Some of them may buy goods, but their real intent is to steal and live of the generosity of the American Fork government. My sister’s best friend’s mother-in-law works at a grocery store in Pleasant Grove, and she says that they have major problems with shoplifting, all from these Spanish Fork people.
    I say the only way to keep them out is to build a wall and then shoot any we see trying to sneak in. That’ll teach ‘em.

  35. ronito Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 7:41 pm

    i remember Utah before there was segregation back when it was just Fork.

  36. Scott B Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 7:47 pm

    ronito, there are some who seem to believe that the lifting of the Fork ban to allow such mixing was an inspired decision.

  37. danithew Says:
    April 29, 2009 at 7:53 pm

    I predict a final showdown at the Purple Turtle. - If you have not visited their site, then take a gander.They are direct in their assessments....

WARNING: The directions are misleading.

Nutty Putty Cave

Useful Information

Location: I15 exit Santaquin, Hwy6 west, 20km to Eureka, turn right (north) towards the Salt Lake. After 11km turn right on dirt road at 7 miles marker, 14 km to the cave.
Open: gated, permits from the Timpanogos Grotto. [2006]
Fee: free [2006]
Classification:  Karst cave
Light: none
Dimension: mouse hole
Guided tours:  
Last update: $Date: 2008/10/09 18:38:54 $


2004 two cave accidents around Labor Day.
2006 cave closed by the local chapter of the NSS.


To make it clear: nobody from ever visited this cave. But its impact is rather impressive to us. Hundreds of people find this page every month, by a search engine. If all this people really visit the cave, and probably some more without web access, the number of visitors would mean a fortune to every commercial cave manager.

A website about this cave - see the first link below - tells something about this cave which sounds pretty familiar to us. Many western countries have this kind of caves. Narrow, uninteresting and overcrowded holes, popular torture instrument for bored kids. Where most of the caves are closed to protect nature, the few open caves, especially if they offer some sportive challenge, become extremely popular. The results of this popularity are well known: The air becomes bad, on weekends all visitors have to queue, the floor becomes polished, and speleothems evaporate.

In Germany this caves are called Opferhöhle (sacrifice cave), because they are sacrificed to the unstoppable urge to exercise some spelunking. Obviously some people see in caves a way to do sports and have fun ignoring all environmental damages they cause. To protect the other caves, certain caves are offered as a bait.

We listed this place for completeness sake, we do not want to promote it. But it seems to be mostly harmless. Just don't get stuck and use your brain. To find it, just follow the treck of spelunkers...

2006 Update

We left the original cave description unchanged, and it seems our original resentment was justified. The cave was visited by an increasing number of visitors, up to 5,000 every year. Finally on the Labor Day weekend in 2004, two vistors had to be rescued from the cave.

The owner of the land, the State of Utah School & Institutional Trust Lands Administration (SITLA) was not willing to keep the cave open, because of the potential damage and financial risk. They asked various groups including BYU, Utah Valley State College and the Boy Scouts of America to lease the land. But this lease would have included the requirement to build a gate, maintain the land and carry a $1 million insurance policy. Another accident in a nearby cave, where four people died in a narrow underwater tunnel in August 2005, stopped all negotiations.

Now Timpanogos Grotto, the local chapter of the NSS, signed an agreement with SITLA. They close the cave and allow access only to groups which submit an access request form at least one week before the planned trip and follow the strict safety rules. The rules are explained on their website in detail, and make sense to us. Hopefully this will prevent further accidents in the cave.



First Name: Last Name:
City, State: E-mail: